2Samuel 13:12: And she answered him, No, my brother, do not humble me. For no such thing ought to be done in Israel. Do not do this folly.
Amnon raped Tamar, and both were the children of David. But before the act, Tamar wanted to talk some sense into her assailant, hence the focus verse (2Samuel 13:1-17, 28-32). She cautioned him against letting his immediate emotion cloud his reasoning. He however allowed his sexual greed to overrun him, and the outcome was his death in the hands of Absalom Tamar’s brother.
The bible says there is a way that seems right to a man but the end is destruction (Proverbs 16:25).
Paul confronted a situation of sexual immorality in the church in Corinth where a man was sleeping with his father’s wife (1Corinthians 5-7:14), maybe something like Reuben did. Paul qualified that act saying, such a thing is even unheard of in among the unbelievers. He thereafter lectured them on the importance of sexual purity and how sexual sin is in a whole class of sin by itself.
He said that all other sins are committed out the body but that of sexual impropriety is committed with the body. He condemned it in the strongest possible terms; saying to have sex with a harlot is to be joined to him, is to be one flesh with him. He doesn’t want them playing around with sexual sin at all, even saying that it better if a man does not touch a woman. If not, such better marry, rather than burn with sexual passion.
He made it clear that sexual satisfaction should only be sought within the context of marriage; and all others have to by all means exercise constraint, and lay hold of self control as a fruit of the Holy Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23). The writer of Hebrews says that marriage is honourable unto all, and the bed undefiled, but adulterers and fornicators God will judge (Hebrews 13:4).
It is because of this that Paul wrote in another place to the Corinthians, that the body is not for sexual immorality but for the Lord; he also said that our body is the temple of the Holy Spirit. Because it is the Lord’s, we should be careful to what engagement we use it. And we should make sure we flee every appearance of sin (1Thessalonians 5:22), avoid compromising situations.
How can we prevent ourselves from committing fornication before we are married and after we are married, how do we keep to only our wives?
- The word (conceptual)
There is nothing you can do beyond the level of the word in you. Someone said to God in the bible: your Word have I hidden in my heart so that I will not sin against you (Psalm 119:11). The bible says that when the enemy comes like a flood the Spirit of the Lord will raise up a standard against it. That standard is the Word. When the flood of temptation to fornicate is coming at you, it is only the standard (wall) of the word that is built in you that can withstand it, that can hold it at bay, so that it will not swallow you up.
That you have committed fornication before means that as far as that realm is concerned, you might be in ground zero, when it comes to truth of the Word concerning not committing sexual impropriety. And I am not talking about mere acquisition of knowledge; I am talking of having that truth as a pillar in you (1Timothy 3:15). It is being brainwashed in a good sense. You need to have the stronghold of false sexual concepts in you all broken down (don’t say you don’t have one, the society in which you exist is full of it, and you were/are part of it).
It is the word of God that will break it down. The Word is described as a hammer that breaks the rock into pieces (Jeremiah 23:29).
But you must not be presumptuous. Never say to yourself that you cannot fall into fornication or adultery. Never say never. Always focus on the grace of God. What the bible says is true: It is not by power not by might, but by the Spirit of God (Zechariah 4:6). Not falling into fornication should not be seen as an achievement, you should recognise that it is because of God’s help.
That should be a concept in you: that God will help you, and you must actively seek his help.
Make a serious methodical search of scriptures and what it says about adultery and fornication. The Old Testament really was forthright when it comes to the nation of Israel about the mandating virginity in a woman before she gets marriage (Deuteronomy 22:13-30).
Note that you are very spiritual when you enter into marriage as a virgin. It is something to aim for. it is nothing to be ashamed of. It is OK to be called naïve because of that. It is good to be a fool for Christ sake. You cannot be wiser that God. Walk in divine order, when it comes to sexual purity.
The Old Testament never said much about mandating Israel males being virgins before they marry. But when you are exempted from marrying from outside the nation and all young ladies are meant to keep their virginity on the pain of death, it means for an Isrealite man to have sex he has to first marry an Israelite woman. That means he is set up, (maybe against his will) to be a virgin till marriage. That is the order of God that he starts to set with the nation of Israel.
You need to get yourself brainwashed with these thoughts, allow the truth of God to form your new paradigm. Allow the fear of God control you. Never give yourself any laxity to relapse. Allow yourself no excuse. Do what the psalmist said: I have set the Lord always before me; because he is at my right hand I shall not be moved (Psalm 16:8).
You can’t set the Lord always before you and be moved into fornication. It is beyond impossible.
- The way (practical)
Once you have the word set in you, there is a flip side to the coin: you need to be physical about your resolve not to fornicate or commit adultery. Joseph was very physical about not falling into the laps of Potiphar’s wife. He physically removed himself from the scene. Note that the concept of the fear of God, preventing him from committing fornication was already set in him (Genesis 29:7-12). So also you need to be changed on the inside first.
Nevertheless, as a physical measure, you need to be clear cut about your relationship with the opposite sex. Joseph was clear cut about his limits when it comes to the wife of Potiphar.
What do you do with sexual motions within you when they rise like a wave? Endure it, it will pass. It is like being abused and not responding, shutting up your mouth and not latching out to the other person in vengeance. It is not everything that you feel that you must express. What feeds emotions is giving them expression. Once you starve it of expression, you can gain power over it. It will fizzle out. Don’t be surprised if your sexual emotion seems to run haywire, just realise that you are not obliged to do anything about it. Don’t give sexually inappropriate felling expression. But of course, you have to have the stronghold of truth in you first, and review truth concerning sexual purity, from time to time.
But no matter the word level in you, never deceive yourself that your emotion will never run haywire; so when it happens, don’t be so taken by it; see it as one of those things. And ignore it. After sometimes, errant sexual emotions will be very far from you, since all these while you have been training yourself to be numb to it. But still don’t ever deceive yourself that such feelings will never come; even when you become a roaring fire Apostle. Paul said that if anyone things he stands, let such take heed, lest he falls (1Corinthians 10:12).
Never give attention to sexually in-appropriate pictures. If you are already hooked; I believe re-conceptualising you mind, like what I have been saying above, will go a long way. It may be a little difficult especially if your father was also into pornography. It is battle you must fight. Never resign yourself to it. These motions of the flesh war against you (1Peter 2:11); there may not be a solution except you come into deeper relationship with God, so that the heat of his presence burns of the appeal of pornography, so that like him, you will be of purer eyes than to behold iniquity (Habakkuk 1:13).
- Sexual Sin Angers a Holy God ! (shoutingthemessage.wordpress.com)
- Flee Sexual Immorality As Told by the Bible (styleisours.wordpress.com)
- Anti-Adultery Commandment Makes A Comeback – OpEd (eurasiareview.com)
- Soul Ties 5 (breakingsoulties.wordpress.com)
- Reasons why you should wait till marriage (samueliyanuoluwa.wordpress.com)
- (2013) T4:W6/7 Separate – Sexual Sin (northsydneyiscf.wordpress.com)